Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
