god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
