i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I have aggressive nipples.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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