I just cut my nipple shaving
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
