Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
