Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
