We're facebook friends in real life
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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