Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
