There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
