Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
