dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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