if you like me you must not know who I am
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
