Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
