I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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