i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
