Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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