if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
