Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
