Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
