He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm at about main and main street
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
