Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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