Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
