can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
