i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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