The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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