got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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