PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
