If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
