Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
