Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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