Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
