Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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