i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I am one with the molecules
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
