Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
