okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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