Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
