the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
