I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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