ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
