just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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