haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
