You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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