he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You've changed since you got that strap on
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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