I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
