Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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