i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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