Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
