I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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