Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
