five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
