i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Found the puke drawer
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
